What Are Your Gifts?

For years, I struggled to know what my gifts were.  I had heard that we all supposedly had gifts we were to nurture. But after being called deaf and dumb for so many years, and being sexually assaulted at the age of 5, I didn’t believe or know that I could even have gifts.  My lack of self-esteem was next to none, if even that much.

It wasn’t until I attended a business college that I learned about professionalism. I came to understand the importance of business attire versus casual attire, the importance of writing, being organized, and extending professional courtesy.  Later, when I became the executive director of a nonprofit organization, I felt prepared with the lessons I had acquired. Yet I was constantly criticized by both sides of the community: I wasn’t deaf because I dressed too nicely (it’s Iowa, after all), or because I moved my mouth too much when I signed, or worse yet, I used my voice. And then the other side said I shouldn’t sign because I had a “beautiful voice” that I should stick with. As is true for so many other people, I struggled with my identity because of all that. Was I deaf? Was I hearing? Was I hard of hearing? What was I?

For many years, I felt tugged in both directions. I was literally exhausted. Not being accepted for who you are (even if you didn’t know yet yourself) and being told what to do or what not to do, I was simply tired. I constantly was hypervigilant about offending people with how I moved, looked, or talked.  I was afraid to sign at times, and at other times, I was afraid to use my voice.

As I drew closer to my savior and immersed myself in the Bible, one day I came upon a verse. I immediately breathed a huge sigh of relief and thanked God.

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations.  Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he did in fact was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first, I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times, I did that and then he told me, 

                        My grace is enough; it’s all you need.

                        My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness.  Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size — abuse, accidents, oppositions bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so, the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

2 Corinthians 12: 7-10 The Message Bible

That was it! My voice and my hands are my gifts. It’s not either; it’s both. I’m blessed to have a voice and hands to communicate — the very gifts God has blessed me with.  For many years, Satan had attacked me and pushed me to the ground, but God always pulled me out of my muckiness. He said,  “Those are your gifts I blessed you with.  Use them. Only worry about pleasing me, not earthly people.”

I am extremely grateful for what little hearing I have with my hearing aids.  With my hearing aids, I can hear my children laugh, cry and the sound of their voices.  When the atmosphere is silent, I’m able to hear the birds chirp or when the frog croaks. Without my hearing aid, I can only feel the vibrations of thunder and that’s all, nothing else. I am profoundly deaf. So with what gifts I have, I am tremendously thankful.

I cannot worry about what other people say about me. I’m here to please only my savior.

I am also extremely blessed I have friends who use their voices and those who use their hands to communicate. Most of all, I am blessed to be me, Jennifer, a daughter of God.

I will use the gifts God gave me for His glory.