The year 2023 brought some challenges I needed to come face-to-face with for my children’s and my protection and well-being as well as obeying and loving Jesus.
A few years ago, I cut ties with some family members because of the trauma I experienced growing up. I wanted to ensure that my children, who were little at the time, were not at risk of harm. Several years passed by and I was still holding bitterness and anger in my heart. I knew I needed to forgive to let go of the pain, bitterness, and hatred I was holding onto — but I wasn’t quite ready.
Through God’s strength, I found the courage to forgive — but I still wasn’t clear on what forgiveness really meant. I thought that once I forgave, I would wipe the slate clean and we’d all go back to how everything was “just fine.” A few years went by and I still wasn’t okay, nor were my children. The more I dug deeper in the Bible and devoted myself to my Lord and Savior, the more I understood what forgiveness and obedience meant. I continue to learn today, but I’d like to share what I’ve learned so far.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are two separate processes, and do not have to co-exist. You can forgive someone without reconciling or continuing a relationship with them. Healthy boundaries and self-care are imperative parts of forgiveness. More importantly, forgiveness is a gift to yourself. With forgiveness, you break free from anger, bitterness, dysfunction, and hatred. You allow yourself to experience emotional healing and create a safe space for abundant joy and peace in your life.
What this means is I am not obligated to have relationships with family members who are not good for my soul — and neither are you. Sometimes you have to make a vital decision that breaks your heart, but it brings you peace. The best gift you can give yourself is to break away, forgive, and allow God to take care of them. It’s in His hands.
Another part of bringing peace to your soul is obedience by hearing the word of God and acting on it. Obedience is when we completely surrender to His authority and base our decisions and our actions on His word. The dysfunction and toxic cycles within my family were not examples of His word. My heart couldn’t condone the hypocrisy I would have practiced had I not broken away from them. One thing that truly awes me is how God removes people from our lives to protect us. Trust Him. Don’t run after them. Oftentimes, deciding who you are in Christ is deciding who you will never be again.
Sometimes we have to be so confident in God’s plan that you no longer get angry, hold any bitterness, or cry and lose hope when things don’t go your way. Faith requires us to trust in His plan.
The enemy wants us to believe that times of silence are a curse of loneliness, a result of our so-called “selfishness” by breaking away. The truth is that God wants us to know that these times of silence are really the pathways to being close to Him and obeying His word. That’s why I crave silence when I sit alone in the warmth of the sun shining through my bedroom window, drinking my pumpkin spice coffee and burying myself in the Bible.
My dear friend, forgiveness and obedience are not easy. Believe me, I know how difficult it is. I’ve cried tears for many years, begging God to help me understand what He wants me to do. A helpful act is to invite God into your space of quietness. Ask Him to meet you in lonely spaces. God so appreciates those times to silence our busy lives and share some of His best surprises.
“The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.” – Ecclesiastes 7:8
Perseverance is the pathway to a new start, because a new beginning often requires patience especially after you’ve had to make difficult decisions to leave whatever situation you were in. But know that a new beginning awaits anyone who is willing and wanting to make Jesus Christ the Lord of their Life.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17
I know I made the right decision to breaking away from some of my family members. Actually, it was and is God’s decision. If I want to experience abundant joy, peace and hope, I need to act on His words and follow through. And that’s why I continue to choose forgiveness and obedience till I am called home.
Here’s to new beginnings with a lifetime of love, peace and hope under His wings.
Jennifer Kalina 