Connecting souls, overcoming barriers and healing wounds together through Christ.

I’m not sure when I first came to know Jesus but I do know that it happened on several occasions. In the Bible, Peter denied Jesus three times, and so did I.

Before I came to know and surrender my heart to Jesus, my life was nothing short of hell. I was born deaf into a hearing family. I experienced my first sexual encounter when I was five years old, and that lasted until I was 12. When I was 7, my parents divorced. I didn’t have a good relationship with my father. So of course, I thought that sex meant love. I watched as my mother was beaten by her drunken boyfriend. Trust was almost nonexistent for me and I was especially weary of men.

At 14, I began drinking. The first night I drank, I was raped, but unfortunately this was not an isolated incident. This scene was repeated time and again, for a long time. Alcohol was my savior; it numbed my pain and hid my true self. I often drank until I passed out.

The first time I denied Jesus was when I was 21. I was out one evening, drinking as usual. I met someone who swept me off my feet — the first time I thought I experienced “true love” as an adult. After only one month, he asked me to marry him and I of course said I would. Within months, everything fell apart and the truth came to the light: he was a drug dealer and addict, and had only recently gotten out of prison — all things I didn’t know at first. We fought, drank, and loved fiercely as we lived together. We never married, though.

A pivotal moment took place on April 5, 1993. My fiancé went out for the evening and I just couldn’t deal with life anymore. I was physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. Just before I took the last three of 90 pills, I prayed to God: “If I wake up in the hospital, then I know the plans you have for me aren’t done. But if I wake up in Heaven, then I know you’re done with me.”

I woke up in the emergency room. I didn’t have my hearing aids or glasses on, and so I could barely make out my surroundings. When I looked at the doorway, I saw a policeman. But that wasn’t what startled me. What startled me was there was a light shining upon him. He was smiling at me, and asked if I was okay with my fiancé coming into the room. I said no. He nodded and smiled as he said, “Everything will be okay.”

It was at that moment I knew — that God had a plan for me. I knew that with His help, I would be okay. That was the first time I surrendered to him.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
– Jeremiah 29:11

I couldn’t find a church that provided interpreters, nor could I find a Bible study group. I read the Bible everyday but was desperately hungry for more. With the lack of access to church, I fell off the wagon — and went back to drinking.

In 1996, I met my first husband, and shortly after that, his family. His father was a devoted Christian who I would oftentimes listen to as he spoke about the Bible. I loved listening to him. A true Christian, he was the epitome of how Jesus says we should love everyone.

I married my husband in 1998 and we had two beautiful children. Our marriage was rocky at best, and God was not at the center of our marriage. Many of the issues stemmed from my upbringing. In 2007, we separated. Soon after, my father-in-law stopped by and gifted me a Bible, saying to read John. Every day after that, he stopped by to see if I had read it yet — but I hadn’t, simply because I was so angry at God. I wanted my husband home, not Jesus or the Bible.

Near Mother’s Day in 2008, I found myself curled up on the kitchen floor, crying and yelling at God. I heard God speak to me telling me to open the Bible to John. I started reading… and didn’t stop for a long time. I fell in love with my savior again. I found a church that provided a sign language interpreter and took my children with me. During service, the song Who Am I? by Casting Crowns played. I cried as I surrendered again to God.

In 2012, I met my second husband, who was a Christian as well. He helped me stay on track in following Christ. Yet I continued to struggle with pleasing people before God and with trusting or loving anyone. I often questioned whether or not I was really God’s daughter, a child of God, and this was my third denial of God. Both my husband and I brought our children to our blended family along with a lot of baggage. We separated in 2019 and amicably divorced in 2021.

During this time, I finally found a church I fit into — and I knew then that I needed to repair my relationship with Christ, to please Him first and foremost before pleasing anyone else. I needed to draw closer to my Heavenly Father. I needed to learn to trust Him, forgive both of my ex-husbands, my father, my family, and other people. I needed to make peace with my past. Instead of living with fear and shame any longer after so many years, I chose to ask God for forgiveness. And now I am free of shame, free of fear, and free to love and trust again.

My favorite scripture in the bible is Psalms 23. I’ve been through the darkness of the valley countless times, and every time, God has refreshed my soul. It’s important to me my soul is at peace. I don’t want to live any other way but in God’s way. I am a child of His. My true identity is that I am Jennifer, a beloved child of God, and only His.