My Aha Moment: Who Am I?

My Aha Moment: Who Am I?

The first time I heard this song, Who Am I? by Casting Crowns, I was at a church in the midst of my first separation/divorce.  It was only by the grace of God, who instilled strength in me, that I pushed through one of the darkest times of my life. At that point, I was struggling with my identity because of my childhood sexual abuse, my being deaf, and my not having a healthy relationship with my father nor my family, nor any man for that matter.  

A huge part of my formative years was the labels thrown at me. I grew up attending a mainstreamed program and was called deaf and dumb for as long as I could remember. I was one of those kids always picked last for a team all through school.  I was not popular, and I never fit in nor did I belong with the popular kids in high school.  I was the only deaf kid in my grade all through high school.  If someone wanted to talk about me, it was always, “You know that deaf girl…”  I wasn’t Jennifer. I was also called “easy” because of my sexual history, and I believed I was because of the trauma I had grown up with.

So, there I was. A divorcee. Single mom. Survivor of childhood sexual assault, domestic violence, and a suicide attempt. And so many other labels. I didn’t have a personal relationship with my Savior, but I was longing to know Him more.  When I heard this song at that very moment in church, I was shaken.

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

The lyrics hit me in all the raw spots throughout my body. I trembled and cried right there in midst of the service. That’s when I really understood how God knows our pain. More importantly, He knows our name — and it’s the only name we were given at birth, not any of the labels thrown at us.  We are children of God. He is our heavenly Father.    We are His.

My dear friends, like you and others, I have experienced tremendous heartbreak.  I know God is using me to share His words with you to help you—to hold your heart, your hands and cry with you.  I want to lead you the way to Him so that you can come out of your darkness and into His light.

The Lord himself will fight for you.  Just stay calm. – Exodus 14:14

We are going to make it, friend.  Together, let’s connect souls, overcome barriers, and heal wounds together through Chris.

Love,

Jennifer

The Lyrics  

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am (I am)
I am Yours

Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean), a vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I’m calling, Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
You’ve told me who I am (I am)
I am Yours

I am Yours, I am Yours, oh

Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear?
‘Cause I am Yours, I am Yours

Copyright by Castings Crowns