Words have Power

I grew up in a toxic environment. My mother was a single mom, working full time and raising four children, two deaf, — by herself.  During that time, I was sexually abused.  My father wasn’t very available. I don’t think my mother had the time to learn sign language nor fully grasped the need for my brother and me to communicate in sign language and to be included.

And this is one thing I don’t think people yet understand fully. Being in a hearing family that does not sign can really crush your soul. It can affect you on every single level throughout your entire life. Even though I speak very well, I still don’t have that connection between family members.  The majority of the time growing up, they tapped me on the head asking, “You doing ok? And if I said yes, they moved on.  If I said no, they said patronizingly, “It’ll be okay.” That was the most infuriating thing they said to me time after time. It was never okay.

Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs. ~ Proverb 10:12

I held onto that anger for a very long time. I was angry towards my parents for not signing. I was angry at them for not doing anything about my sexual abuse. But most of all, I was angry at them for not standing up to family members and insisting that they included my brother and me in conversations, laughter, and family stories. Simply learning sign language would have made us feel a part of this family and that I mattered. This is true for so many other deaf people throughout the world.

When my sexual abuse happened, those who hurt me got a slap on the wrist. Nothing else.  Life continued on as if nothing happened. When my divorce happened, I was so angry at my ex-husband for what he did to me.  I was angry at a lot of people.

All that anger I had, all that unforgiveness, I stored in my heavy heart.  I held on to that anger for a long time as it festered easily in me.

Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. ~ Proverb 14:29

I remember the day I yelled at my kids and said some hurtful words.  The look on their faces was disheartening, and I immediately saw myself in their faces.  My entire life flashed back at me, and I remembered all the times my family hurt me. No matter how much anger I had, I could never again hurt my children like I had in that moment. That’s when I realized I wasn’t yelling at them — I was yelling at my parents, my ex-husband, and everyone else in my life who I felt had wronged me. My children did not deserve that. At all.

A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit ~Proverb 15: 4

We often reassure ourselves we are justified in yelling and saying words that are hurtful.  But we are not. What happened to me as a child, I had no way of standing up for myself.  I’m an adult – I am a mom to 2 precious beautiful souls, and I know right and wrong. I know what Jesus says to do.  Words have power.  Uplift others.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up angers. ~ Proverb 15:1

I really had to step back and take a deep look into my soul. Throughout my life, I’ve said and done some things that was hurtful to others. I’ve been embarrassed for the things I’ve done. Turning my life around and being a born-again Christian and then having a deep meaningful relationship with my Lord and Savior meant I really needed to heal. I needed to forgive and ask for forgiveness. I needed to let go of my anger. I wasn’t hurting the people who hurt me; rather, I was hurting myself and disappointing my Lord and Savior.

A quick-tempered person does foolish things and the one who devises evil schemes is hated. ~ Proverb 14:17

When I started my ministry, I shared with you that you would get the all real authentic me. I’m always honest about who I am and how I got to be where I am today, as imperfect as I continue to be. I’ve made so many mistakes and I will probably always make mistakes.  But now I ask God for wisdom on how to respond. God doesn’t want perfect.  He wants all of our messes.  The Proverbs, which I could read over and over again, have so much wisdom. One verse helps me every single day:  The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. ~ Proverb 12: 18

I am also reminded of this: The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. ~ Proverb 14:1. As a single mother to two kids, God entrusted me to be the wise woman and that’s what I’m going to do. God wants us to uplift others because He so loves us.

Oh, how I want you to know that God loves you so much, my dear friend.  Whatever pain you are going through, whatever anger you have stored up in your heart, let it go.   Bring Jesus to your soul and let Him refresh you.

From the fruit of their lips people enjoy good things, but the unfaithful have an appetite for violence. ~ Proverb 13: 2

Do you want to be remembered as an angry person full of hatred and bitterness? Or do you want to be remembered as a fruitful person whose heart is filled with love of the Lord and Savior?

Be fruitful.